Saturday, August 25, 2007

Things you should do in the elevator

Do not forget to do one of these things when you will be in the elevator for the next time:

  • When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
  • Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
  • Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
  • Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on.
  • Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"
  • Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "that's mine!"
  • Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator
  • Move your desk in to the elevator and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
  • Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play.
  • Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they hear something ticking.
  • Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
  • Ask, "Did you feel that?"
  • Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
  • When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."
  • Swat at flies that don't exist.
  • Tell people that you can see their aura
  • Call out, "group hug!", then enforce it.
  • Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"
  • Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"
  • Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
  • Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM!" and back away slowly.
  • Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
  • Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
  • Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
  • Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce, "I have new socks on."
  • Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is my personal space!"
  • Fart loudly then exclaim "Was that you. There's no way I could do that one because unfortately mine don't come out loud."
  • Before the elevator door opens shout "DING" and then laugh and say "beat you again Mr Elevator."
  • Hire a labrador, wear sunglasses and repeatedly walk into the walls whilst pretending to not hear the other passenger's direction

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